How to deal with a Porch Pirate part I
The legal methods
Many of you, like myself, have had to deal with the problem of Biden-voting porch pirates. This problem has escalated as society has relied more and more on package delivery services to sustain them. Everything from food, to clothes, to cleaning supplies are now delivered on a much more regular basis. And with the fake pandemic, more and more people have taken to communist Amazon and other similar establishments to supply their wants and needs. And so, its just natural that the criminal theft activity would escalate right along with it.
But is there anything we can do about it? There is. However, before we get into the methods at which to prevent or avenge such a theft, I'll tell you my story real quick.
I had a package stolen. It wasn't anything expensive. Still, the thought of someone coming on my property to take something that I paid for infuriated me. So I decided to attempt a bait tactic. I went to a fake label maker site and generated a fake shipping label. This was followed by gathering up the fecal matter from my pets. The fecal matter was then wrapped in foil paper and placed in an empty discarded chocolates box. This was packaged up, the fake label was placed on it, and the package was left out on my front walkway by the door. Apparently, someone was watching. Because within minutes, the package was gone. I thought this was great and tried it again a few days later. Only this time, no one took the package. This likely means this was the same person who stole both my legit package, as well as my bait package. And after the poop chocolates, they didn't want to try it again. Hopefully, they actually consumed some of the fake candy. Best case scenario would be that they died from botulism. But regardless, they won't hit me up again.
So lets get on with this list. We'll start with some legal things you can do, which likely won't get you arrested. Then we will discuss the more enjoyable but potentially dangerous-to-your-freedom kind of stuff in a more interesting part II:
Section 1: The legal stuff.
1. Do the community watch thing. Do you have trusted neighbors who are willing to watch your property while you are out? Are you willing and able to return the favor? Even better, do you have a neighbor with a security cam that can see your property, especially the area where packages are left? If you are lucky enough to know your neighbors, be on friendly terms, and can watch out for each other, do it. This may not prevent Scummy McFilth from taking your packages. But at least you'll have eyes on, and if very lucky, some video or photographic evidence. However, keep in mind that most police departments won't do jack about porch pirates, even if given evidence. I personally would keep photographic and video evidence for my own purposes (like knowing who to watch out for) and not waste time with law enforcement. But that's just me.
2. Install your own security cameras. As mentioned in the last tip, one good thing would be to have video or photographic evidence. Cameras come in a variety of models now. And they can be well disguised. Most modern cameras can send real time footage to a user's smart phone or other device too. But as already discussed, law enforcement probably won't care in most jurisdictions, even if you have proof of theft. Still, its good to have an idea of what the crack heads look like.
3. Ask the courier to deliver inside a garage. Some delivery services have decided to offer inside delivery for porch pirate reasons. For instance, Amazon offers a GARAGE DELIVERY OPTION. And some other services likely do too. The downside is that these services tend to hire, shall we say, questionable people at times. Like this video demonstrates HERE. Also, this service requires that you trust them enough to give a key or passcode access to enter the inside of your property. So if you are unlucky enough to have a crappy thieving driver, watch out. Of course if you also have security cameras and can catch the delivery service employee doing something, the company will have to pay for loss or damages. Still, I wouldn't risk it.
4. Have the packages sent to work, family, or a trusted friend. This method may be okay. It might work. But only if you know for a fact that these people will be home. And that they will be immediately aware that the package is there. That way, it isn't left outside for any eyes to fall on. This also puts a burden on them. I don't like to do this. One thing that may work better is to have packages sent to your place of work. If practical, this can be the best way to keep your package out of the hands of pirates. But not all places of employment allow for personal packages to be collected there. And in some cases, depending on how many junkies your company has on the payroll, packages can "come up missing" from the mail room.
5. Build a secured drop box. Building a secured drop box for your packages may sound like a good idea. But it probably won't work. First off, not all drivers would use it, even with clear markings and instructions. Secondly, the drop box slot would need to be extremely large to accommodate packages of various sizes. This could be done, but likely wouldn't be used anyway.
There are likely more ways to assist one wishing to do something about criminal thieving cowards. But lets face it, these methods only help a little, and will not prevent or punish the activity. Join me for part 2 (which will need a disclaimer) for some more effective means by which to deal with porch pirates. Until then, later homeslices!
© Copyright 2022Ohio Blogger